Thursday, November 14, 2013

Some thoughts from a friend, who got them somewhere. . .

As  I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world,
I realized  that at my age I don't really give a rat's ass anymore.
.. If  walking is good for your health, the postman would be  immortal.
.. A whale  swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still  fat.
.. A  rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while
.. A  tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150  years.
And you  tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.
Just grant  me the senility to forget the people I never liked,
the good  fortune to remember the ones I do, and the
eyesight  to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older  here's what I've discovered:
1. I  started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild  oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
3. I  finally got my head together, and now my body is falling  apart.
4. Funny,  I don't remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny,  I don't remember being absent-minded.
6. If all  is not lost, then where the heck is it ?
7. It was  a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
8. Some  days, you're the top dog; some days you're the hydrant.
9. I wish  the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of  them.
10. Kids  in the back seat have accidents.
11.  Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It's  hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. The  world only beats a path to your door when you're in the  bathroom.
14. If God  wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
15. When  I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play  chess.
16. It's  not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.
17. The  only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These  days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere  to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".
19. Funny,  I don't remember being absent-minded.

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